following emily

We all know Emily.

We all know her or have known someone just like her - boy or girl, young or old, quiet or not-so-quiet, long or short hair, large or small family. No formula.
Emily is my blog story today because she was a follower.
And I learned to be a better teacher by following her.

these 2 are actually playing TOGETHER, neither following the other.

The day would begin the same each day:
Four-year-old Emily would come to school, happily say hello to me and happily say goodbye to her mother.
And then the Search began...

sometimes a child becomes a shadow of another...what to do?

Emily began her hunt
to find her friend Lara -
"Is she here yet?"
"Where is Lara?"
"I want to play with Lara."

Emily followed,
followed, followed Lara.

Emily became
like a shadow of Lara. 

Our classroom of 4s/5s was an inquiry based classroom where the children would explore, make their own choices, invent, try new materials, work independently or with a partner or in a group.

Surely one of my goals as an educator in this environment was to uplift the image of each child.
I was challenged because my image of Emily was overshadowed by that of Lara. [Or so I thought].

what happens when a child Admires another? what happens when a child sees past their self & Seeks out another?

It was something that happened over a short period of time, very soon after the school year started.
Emily started making choices that were based ONLY on Lara's choices.
If Lara planned to paint in the art area, so would Emily.
As soon as Lara decided to make a new plan in the classroom, Emily would - literally - drop her paintbrush and follow Lara.
Playing in the sandbox - Lara leaves, Emily bolts out. 
Building in the block area - Lara goes to to use the bathroom, Emily waits for her at the doorway.

There was desperation to Emily's actions. A frantic nature by Emily to keep next to Lara at all times. 

I must say, I had never seen the behavior to that extent before - and really have never seen it again to that level. There are always children - people - who prefer to be cautious, to see what others do and then join in. There are always those of us who don't mind NOT being the leaders, NOT being the most inventive or creative, NOT being the center of attention.  Personality, social comfort and competence in an activity surely affects all of us daily, yet doesn't mean we are dependent upon ONE other person.

how can you tell if one child is following or if 2 children are playing together?

Hmm. What to do.
I looked closer at Lara:
Lara does have a way about her that also is quite unusual for a 4-year-old.
I can understand how Lara IS seen as quite fantastic. 
Lara DOES have charisma [to this day she does!] which is rather unheard of in the very young.
Lara and I had a couple chats about being a leader and how to help friends have a chance at an idea. She was part of the unusual situation that had presented itself this school year. Emily followed Lara because Lara could lead her, could always have new ideas, could always know what to do at school.

what if there was a child at school with actual Charisma? could you identify it? could you see it how other children see it?

Next
when I started looking closer at Emily, I realized I needed to actually follow her . Then, I realized something quite spectacular:

I realized that it is quite amazing for a 4-year-old to Admire Someone Else, to Value Someone Else, to Appreciate Qualities of Another Human Being.

Surely Emily would not have had been able to do this when she was 3 or 2 years old. Emily's development of understanding, compassion and friendship was on a different level than I had witnessed by one child toward another.

I realized that Emily  - while, yes, a follower - was coming from another perspective that I had not used as much as I should in my own life. Emily was able to move outside herself and seek out the skill, actions and choices of another as a source of inspiration for her own day.
I realized that this was a whole different kind of social constructivism (nod to Vygotsky). Emily was constructing her understanding of school life, social interactions, routine and choice making via another child that was more capable (scaffolding at its best, another nod to Vygotsky).

How could this NOT be applauded?
How could this not be applauded.

Being a teacher is such a journey.

Emily taught me about valuing children AT the place they are, BY the people they seek, FOR the reason that only they can know they need. 

My image of Emily changed when I changed the lens through which I was seeing her.

Emily learned about how to be at school by following Lara.
I learned to be a better teacher by following Emily.

How could that not be applauded.


[yes, for everyone who is wondering, Emily learned over time to make her own choices and to bring her own spirit into the classroom. She and Lara remained close friends for many years.]

capturing friendship

the little girl on the right hands a pouring cup to her friend at the water table.

Kindness begins so early.

Friendship begins so early.

Sharing.

Patience.

Connecting.

Give and Take.

It can happen in a brief lovely moment, especially when you are living the very young life of a two-year-old. Sometimes, you are just enjoying a sunny day and you need some water...

The friend on the left has received the pouring cup from his friend in the hat.

Hmm...had the boy offered water? OR had the girl started with the motive of getting water?

Educators and cameras cannot always Capture Friendship in the exact moment it is happening.

This was a moment that really struck me because these two children only came to school a couple days a week, and this was taken early on in the school year. Perhaps they had a previous connection, yet I don't know that for certain.

The cognitive process for both children to engage in this exchange was quite lovely to witness: The girl intentionally gave the boy the measuring/pouring cup.

In the first photo, it was difficult to see that the girl was holding a watering can, so we could have thought the giving of the pouring cup was a sweet gesture.

The second photo, we see the boy holding the pouring cup and perhaps seeing that the girl had a watering can.

The third photo, could be read as the girl having had motive to have the watering can filled OR the boy having seen that the girl had a watering can and he decided to offer water to her.

The whole exchange had no words to document.

Between the two children, there must have been something else they were understanding together, only between them, in the language of two-year-olds that usually relies a lot on eyes and hands.

In YOUR classroom or outside at your school...

if you look close, daily, you will SEE friendship happening in many forms. It might SOUND like friendship, it might FEEL like friendship, it might MOVE like friendship. Get your camera ready, have it with you always. You never know where friendship will show up, yet when you are around children you can't help but to discover it.

Look for it. Capture it. Share it.

the mermaid, the girl and the book

My five-year-old friend Mimi loved to draw. That's all she really loved to do.
Hmmm, let me be more clear: Mimi really really loved drawing mermaids.

Mermaid, by Mimi.

Really loved drawing mermaids.

Mimi would draw mermaids on everything. Sometimes, it would be one rather large mermaid that would fit on one whole paper. Sometimes a whole school of mermaids, looking quite similar yet with just a slight swish of tail difference in each one, would be across many many papers.

Mimi's challenge in class, however, was that she really couldn't be bothered with making friends. She would prefer to be alone, drawing mermaids, even if other children would ask her to join in their play. After a while, the children stopped asking, and Mimi kept on drawing mermaids.

The challenge as a teacher is to uplift the gift of drawing to which Mimi was already devoted and also to 'draw' Mimi into the class social culture.

At the time in our 4s/5s classroom, each of the children had their own blank spiral notebook call a Morning Book. They would use these as their own drawing book, using any page, upside down or backwards, crayons, pens, any images, crazy doodle, whatever they wanted. We used our Morning Books during arrival time - children could choose their Book to draw, or build in the block area, or read a book until parents departed. Mimi would usually choose her book to draw more mermaids, yet she would often sit at an empty table to be alone.

I decided to start using our Morning Books during other times in class, creating some small group experiences based around drawing and using descriptor language. Twice a week for about a month, we had Free Drawing time where groups of four to six children could lay on the floor in a circle with their own Morning Book and drawing tools to share.

As the groups began, I would slowly start making observations about how children used color, or how their line swooped this way, or how some images were small or tall. I would start asking open ended questions "wondering about this area" on someone's paper, or "curious about those lines near the top" of someone's page, or "seems like some of those letters are part of your name?" to someone else.

This Free Draw time was a no-assignment, no-direction, open time for children to use their Books, feel cozy laying on the floor, and to offer comments or remarks about what they might be exploring in their own books. 
"I am making a storm with all the colors."
"Here is a rainbow with a butterfly and two flowers under it."
"This castle has a knight guarding it."

Over the weeks, Mimi - surprisingly - became very comfortable with her peer group. She easily and quickly became the expert mermaid drawer and friends wanted ideas as to how to try to make a mermaid just like Mimi. She would tell children about the colors she liked for mermaids, how the head was looking straight, how the tail was tricky because it was sideways but "just do it like this..."- and Mimi would swoosh out a tail on her own paper to demonstrate.

Mimi gave gifts of mermaid art to all her friends, including me.

There is a deep felt joy when you see - SEE  - a child become a friend. It is powerful and almost unexplainable.

In early childhood, when you make a friend it is solid and true and dependable. It was as though in one flash Mimi had friends, was a friend and was eager to be part of a bigger world to share her love of mermaids.

"I need dirty water"

Four-year-olds at work water painting the steps.

Three four-year-olds boys are outside, water painting the wood steps that lead up to the sand box slide. They had filled small cups with water from the outside faucet and then gathered paintbrushes. The boys began working their way up the steps as a team.
When 3-year-old Aaron came outside to play, he noticed the boys doing this work. He watched them and starting asking them about their brown water, wondering why they had brown water. The boys didn't answer Aaron and kept on painting in silence.

Aaron wanted to join in.

I had been standing nearby, watching and listening. Aaron quickly turned to me and stated, "I need Dirty Water."
He repeated this a few times, perhaps hoping I would deliver his Dirty Water to him. I asked Aaron what he thought we should do, where we might get Dirty Water. We looked at what the boys were using and decided to get the same things they had - one cup and a paintbrush.

Now that Aaron had the tools, he still had his problem of needing Dirty Water in order to be part of the group.
Aaron went to the outside faucet to fill his cup with water, holds onto to his paintbrush and walks over to the edge of the garden. Aaron pours his water into the dirt and watches it soak down..."Oh, that's not right," says Aaron.
He stands there for a moment then leans over to the muddy dirt with his now-empty cup and starts scraping up some of the wet dirt into his cup. He walks back to the water faucet, fills his cup again and stirs it with his brush - voila, Dirty Water!
Aaron goes to the boys to tell them,
"I have Dirty Water, I have Dirty Water...!" The boys look at him and realize what he was trying to do this whole time. "You didn't need dirty water," they tell him. 
"I have dirty water..." Aaron repeats as he walks up the wood steps, sits at the top of the landing next to a new friend and starts painting.

Aaron happily water paints with his new friend.

Aaron's process for joining the big-boy group is a beautiful example of social function at its best. Aaron had arrived in the outside play space, admired children doing something he wanted to do, and seemed to believe that his way into the activity was to have exactly the same tools that the boys were already using.

The need for Dirty Water did not give Aaron pause at all. He requested my help to figure out HOW to get dirty water, yet I only questioned him in order for him to resolve his own needs.
Once Aaron had the dirty water, he confidently knew he could join in with the boys.
Aaron never hesitated.
He never asked permission.
Sometimes, all you need is dirty water to make a new friend.

For water activity ideas: check out NurtureStore's Water Play Link Up!